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About Varied / Hobbyist WardMale/Netherlands Recent Activity
Deviant for 10 Years
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Black wig by Fingolfin168 Black wig :iconfingolfin168:Fingolfin168 0 3 Op een klein stationnetje... by Fingolfin168 Op een klein stationnetje... :iconfingolfin168:Fingolfin168 0 0 Not so little red riding hood by Fingolfin168 Not so little red riding hood :iconfingolfin168:Fingolfin168 1 0 autumn morning light by Fingolfin168 autumn morning light :iconfingolfin168:Fingolfin168 0 0 mermaid city by Fingolfin168 mermaid city :iconfingolfin168:Fingolfin168 0 0 Mermaid in pastels by Fingolfin168 Mermaid in pastels :iconfingolfin168:Fingolfin168 3 0 Roserade's halloween ride by Fingolfin168 Roserade's halloween ride :iconfingolfin168:Fingolfin168 0 4 the newts by Fingolfin168 the newts :iconfingolfin168:Fingolfin168 0 0 The tadpoles by Fingolfin168 The tadpoles :iconfingolfin168:Fingolfin168 1 0 The frogspawn by Fingolfin168 The frogspawn :iconfingolfin168:Fingolfin168 0 0 The performance by Fingolfin168 The performance :iconfingolfin168:Fingolfin168 0 0 the dark brother by Fingolfin168 the dark brother :iconfingolfin168:Fingolfin168 0 0 Still Life by Fingolfin168 Still Life :iconfingolfin168:Fingolfin168 1 0 Raging heart by Fingolfin168 Raging heart :iconfingolfin168:Fingolfin168 1 0 rose mandala by Fingolfin168 rose mandala :iconfingolfin168:Fingolfin168 1 0 Moonlit landscape by Fingolfin168 Moonlit landscape :iconfingolfin168:Fingolfin168 0 0

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Last monday, a very good friend of my family and me died unexpectedly, leaving behind her husband and two adolescent children. Two weeks ago she had her womb removed, which in itself is not a dangerous operation.  Yet she kept having pain and after going back to the hospital Two times, they found that her bladder had a rupture and she had 5 liters of urine in her belly which, although painful, still isn't deadly. Mondaymorning, she fainted in the shower, came to and then died alsmost instanouesly. They tried reanimating her for almost an hour, but without any result. For now the cause looks like an explosive growth of clumps in he rlungs with squeezed the veins around the heart so tight that the heart could'nt pump blood anymore, heartfailure with no connection to the operation whatsoever.

I'ts al very painful but the thing I find very hard to deal with the sadness, not only my own but also that of my parents and her husband and children. What do you say to people who lost one of their nearest and dearest without a chance to say goodbye. There's not one condolence line I can come up with that will ease their sorrow, so next to sadness I feel guilt!!! Guilt because I cannot think of a way to help her relatives and guilt because cannot deal with my own sadness. I'm incapable of giving the family my condolences and incapable to show my sadness in front of others. i can't even tell people these thought, I can only write them.
Amidst all this self hatred the sadness doesnt disappear, again and again we are confronted with the fact that our friend isn't here anymore and never again will we be able to talk to her or work with her.

This kind of loss brings the worst powerlesness that I ever felt, how do you give place to loss?
The fact that this is the first journal update in two years shows how despersate I am about these feelings.

There's hope in the fact that we and I are not the fisrt persons to be confronted with this feeling and that the world still keeps on turning.

Rest in peace Tessa, you will be missed but you'll always remain in our hearts.
  • Listening to: domino- jessie jay
  • Reading: Gate 7
  • Playing: Pokemon
  • Eating: chocolate


Fingolfin168's Profile Picture
Artist | Hobbyist | Varied
Ooooooooooooooooh who's creepy??

Current Residence: Utrecht
Favourite style of art: impressionists
MP3 player of choice: ipod
Favourite cartoon character: Kyoko from Skip Beat!


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neshirys Featured By Owner Oct 24, 2016
Thank you for the fave|watch by neshirys
ElectrikSunrise Featured By Owner Dec 27, 2014  Student Digital Artist
Thank you so much for the fav on The Deer of Seasons!!Lovely Shoujo Emoji (Huggy Hug) [V2]  It really means a lot to me! >w< Also, here have a llama owo
By the way, you've got some really nice drawings in your gallery, I especially like your copy of Monet! Keep up the good work fellow artist and happy holidays! ^3^
ErsbethShadowsong Featured By Owner Apr 1, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
Thank you for faving!
Fingolfin168 Featured By Owner Apr 2, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Keep up the good work!! <3
ErsbethShadowsong Featured By Owner Apr 10, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
I'll do my best!
Rhapsody4u Featured By Owner Mar 23, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Thank u for watch! ;)
Fingolfin168 Featured By Owner Mar 23, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Keep up the good work ;)
Rhapsody4u Featured By Owner Mar 24, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I'll do my best, thank you! :)
Chram-Avast Featured By Owner Jun 24, 2012  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
Bedankt voor de Favoriet:P
davidfallu Featured By Owner Jan 23, 2012  Professional Photographer
Thanks for the favs!
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